


The Pain that Stayed

by lostbeforedawn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-13 19:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3393092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostbeforedawn/pseuds/lostbeforedawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John finds out Dave is dead, sadness ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Death in the Air

John walked along the path, he felt hollow inside. The crushing weight of death was hung in the air. With the organ played, the sky cleared, and a long path ahead of him, John was tired. Though of what? Of this game? Of this life? John shook his head, he could just fly to where he needed to be, he knew that, but he needed time to think, time for himself. So he walked. It was simple. His mind drifted off of the path as he moved along, all of his friends, gone. There was almost no one by his side anymore, sure Roxy was there, but to what point could she help? Guilt washed over John, was it his fault? He was the one who wanted to play this stupid game. Was he the one who ultimately caused all of these deaths? Did he kill them? Did he kill Dave?

The thought of his friend was almost one that almost brought him to his knees. Dave, his best bro, gone. A death that was heroic in a twisted way, predetermined by the universe. John stopped. He wanted him back. One wish, that was his one wish if he ever had one. What had happened? All John knew was of Dave’s death, no details, though he wasn’t sure if he would want to know if he had the chance. 

So he sat, surrounded by the lizards that occupied the planet, knowing that he should be on his way, but was unable to move. An idea struck him, the new power, the teleportation thingy. He closed his eyes, allowing thoughts of his friend to enter his mind. Nothing.  
All he wanted was to see Dave again. He tried again, straining to make himself move, to any point in time, any point as long as Dave was alive. John closed his eyes tighter, tensing every muscle in his body, a flash of light surrounded him, enclosing him in bright white.

When John opened his eyes he found himself in a similar room, he had never seen it, but it just seemed so…familiar. Turntables sat in the corner of the room, swords hung on the wall above them. An abandoned apple juice bottle was discarded near the bed, it struck him, this room belonged to the one and only Dave Strider. Lazy footsteps made their way to the door, John dove into the shadows, hiding himself. He was currently tucked in the small space that was Dave’s closet, a small crack in the door allowed him to see out. Dave walked into the room, this moment wasn’t too long ago, or at least it seemed. It had in fact, been years ago, but John didn’t want to think about that. Dave looked about, 14, maybe 15. Before the game, John was stuck between a smile and a frown, Dave was still alive then, he didn’t know his future, none of them did at this age.

A beep from Dave’s computer interrupted both of their thoughts. Within a few steps, Dave made his way to the desk, opening the top of his laptop, he smiled. Dave smiled. Any frown that John had left in him vanished, it had been so long since he had seen Dave smile.

“Egderp”

John almost laughed at the familiar name, but he caught himself, pushing further against the leaning tower of clothes for a better look. Dave sat in his seat briskly, his fingers flying across the key board, typing, John realized, to his past self. He watched Dave’s every move, hyperaware of every twitch in his face. Dave typed away, snarky remarks most likely. John moved his foot, hitting yet another empty juice bottle, cursing Dave for not cleaning anything.

Dave stiffened in his chair, head turning to the closet.  
John froze as well. Watching Dave through the crack, watching his eyes, still covered by shades, examine the door, debating whether he should investigate the source of the noise. John grabbed a doll that was stuffed in the pile of clothes, placing it near the door, letting it look like the source of noise.

Nice job John, blame the oddly shaped doll. That’s probably where his weird fear of dolls started, from him placing the doll as the culprit.  
John let his mind take him again, white surrounding him as he heard Dave get up and race towards the door. But he was gone before the door opened.


	2. The Meeting

Another time. Heat blasted him in the face as he stood on a metal floor. Dave’s planet, LOHAC. Dave sat down on the edge of one of the cog shaped floors. His head turned skyward. 

“What did we get ourselves into?” Dave asked the sky, shaking his head, he placed his head in his hands. “We are gonna be ok, right?”

John took off is glasses. This was right before everything caved in upon them, this was the time of waiting. John watched Dave as he looked out upon the lava covered land, his red God Tier outfit blending in with the landscape, this would be the last time he was at his planet for a while. This was Dave, scared Dave, unready for the responsibility that would behold him, this was Dave at his most vulnerable point, this is the Dave that made John regret everything. This was the Dave that John had never seen.

John, not knowing what to think, sank down to the floor, the hot metal radiating from below him. He looked away from Dave. He couldn’t mess with this moment. He couldn’t say anything to Dave, and he couldn’t stay long. A small noise came from Dave’s direction, John looked around the corner with caution. Dave was sitting was he was before, he had hugged his knees to his chest, and was crying. John could see the tears as they streamed down Dave’s face, the only noise being a small sniffle every few minutes.

“We aren’t going to be ok, none of us are, we were doomed for the moment we began playing this fucking game!” Dave’s voice rose from his tears, “We can’t go home, we can’t find each other, everyone is fucking dying. How the hell are we supposed to win?” His voice cracked, and wavered, he fell silent again.

The planet seemed even quieter now, John realized. Everything seemed quieter. Because Dave was his main focus. Because Dave was in pain.

John was too.

Since seeing Dave, John had begun crying himself, small tears had left his eyes without him noticing. John turned away from Dave, he couldn’t watch this anymore, he couldn’t see Dave like this anymore.  
“I’m sorry”

And John let his thoughts roam, let them roam from this moment, this Dave. All he wanted was to leave, to get out of this time.

“John.”

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit, shit. He was seen, that was like the top rule of this whole teleportation thing, to not be seen unless necessary. He was royally screwed. He needed to leave, now. John turned to Dave, the other was standing up, arm extended towards John, reaching for him.

“Dave.”

Why? Why was he responding? He knew it was wrong, yet, something, something made him talk.

“Why are you here? How are you here?” Questions poured out of Dave, he wiped his eyes as he spoke, any trace of tears hidden.

“I don’t know” Great, lie to your best friend. “I guess I’m just kind of here”

Dave nodded, slowly, he was processing, composing his next thoughts. John interrupted him, breaking the silence.

“Dave, are you ok? I mean really?” John asked.

“Dude, do I look ok? I’m probably the farthest thing from ok at the present moment. Why are you here John?”

John sighed, he knew that this shouldn’t be happening, he should leave, he should tell Dave that someone was pesturing him, tell him that there was some pressing matter that made it so he had to leave. Something just made it so he couldn’t bring himself to do it, something made him hug Dave, something made him hold him and whisper that everything would one day be alright.

Dave didn’t let go. So neither did John.

They stayed there like that for a while, together. John was the first to pull away from the comforting embrace. His own thoughts plaguing him as he released his friend.

“I have to go” John’s voice cracked, betraying his stoic face.

“No, you can’t leave yet. Please.” Dave looked at John, eyes meeting eyes through tinted frames.

“Dave I really have to go, please let me go.” John was aware as he spoke that Dave’s arms were around him, tightening ever so slightly. 

His cheeks flushed as Dave continued to hold onto him, Dave shaking his head in disagreement, then placing it on John’s shoulder, his pout hidden in the blue fabric. The gesture was almost intimate, a swarm of butterflies awakened in Johns gut at the thought. He was here, with Dave, who was pouting into his shoulder because John had to leave him, and John was getting nervous that he would mess up the moment. Well, he technically already had, he knew he had to go. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Dave, the moment was bittersweet, John readied himself, and in a swift motion he gently pushed Dave back. John used his powers to float above Dave, ignoring the yells of the other as he let the white light absorb him again, Dave watching, yelling for John to get back down there or so help him god. His yells turned pitiful, then stopped all together as John disappeared, leaving past Dave alone on the hot planet.


	3. Hollow Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well here is the last chapter, the ending is rushed and sucky but at least it is a closing of sorts.

When John opened his eyes again he was alone, his own planet vacant. He was back on the path that he had started on, no closer to his responsibilities, but much further from any hope of feeling better. 

So there he was, time was going on as it should though past him probably got a slap from Dave when they met again. There he was, his own time, Dave was gone, his friends were all gone, his family gone, everyone was gone.

John was alone.

He didn't know if it was that he had decided it was time to move on that caused him to move, or if he was moving out of his own mind, but his feet started their way down the path. His eyes looked in front of him, not focusing on anything, the world a blurred landscape. A few tears slipped down his face, he would deny it if asked. He had thought that he may have been able to save Dave, keep him safe in some way, and in the moment that he had held Dave close, he thought he had succeeded.

He had to have some kind of resolution to Dave’s death, he had to find some way to close out that part of his life. So John strayed from the path one last time.

It was the moment he had been searching for, but now that he was here he felt his stomach twist in an ungodly knot. There was blood everywhere, Dave stood tall, two blades marking is last breath as he screamed, and John’s name was his last call. He fell down limp as silence began to fall all around the bodies, people disappeared, and death was hanging in the air, as thick as the blood. 

John was frozen. So he did the only thing that he could do, he left.


End file.
